After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The ass gains better be worth it
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