it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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