You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
