I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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