Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
