GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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