it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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