i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
