great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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