i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize