Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
