What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
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