she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
