How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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