Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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