I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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