That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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