Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
