I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
