remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
