so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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