Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
