I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
