yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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