remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
