Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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