My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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