Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
