My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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