guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
