I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
