I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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