he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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