Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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