a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
