Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
