so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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