Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just had sex bonerless
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
