come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
