If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
did i walk over a car last night?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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