do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
