is your mom at the bar?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
