Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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