complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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