i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
