saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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