bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
