I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
