Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
