We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
