i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
