My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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