The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
