Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize