I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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