we have officially lost it.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
