HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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