When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
