Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
farters have to be the big spoon...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
