Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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