its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
