you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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