Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
