I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
