I showed him my bush... on skype.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
