I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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