i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
