I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
