I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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