if i can run in heels then i can drive
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
