y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
