I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
