I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
