You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
