i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
