this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
