Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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