its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
try to milk me bitch
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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