Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
