I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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