you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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